Many people seem to think that Judaism is chauvinistic.
Judaism is, and has always been, one of the more feminist religions out there.
Some of you will disagree. How can Judaism be feminist when polygamy is allowed and polyandry is forbidden? How can Judaism be feminist if a husband whose wife does not want to divorce him is allowed to remarry, but a wife whose husband refuses to divorce her has no such option?
There are many questions. I do not pretend to have all the answers. But I will try to give some examples here.
Remember, as obvious as some of these examples are, modern feminism is only a century old, and these laws have been around for more than 3000 years.
Here are some examples solely from Jewish law:
The Jewish marriage contract is called a ketuba. The requirement to have a ketuba is at least 2000 years old. Jews are not allowed to get married without one. In fact, if your ketuba is lost, it must be replaced immediately, because without it, you are not allowed to live as a couple.
What does the ketuba say?
It says that the husband is required to provide his wife with:
1) medical care if she gets sick
2) redemption if she gets captured
3) financial stability
5) marital relations (this is a husband’s obligation to his wife, not the other way around)
6) a certain sum of money in the event of a divorce (the sum stipulated was a very nice sum then, but not so much now; however, many will add to it)
8) to pay for her burial
9) that she will live in his house and be supported from him if she is widowed
10) that her daughters will be supported by his property after she dies and until they get engaged, and that her sons will inherit the worth of her ketuba along with their shares of his property that they split with the other sons.
In return, the wife commits:
1) not to marry anyone else
2) that she will nurse her children
3) whatever she earns or finds becomes his property (this makes sense if he has to support her – it’s not fair for him to have to pay her expenses, while she keeps all profits she earns)
4) any benefits accrued from her property (fruits, interest) become his, and he inherits her (she inherits him, too, remember).
If he cannot afford a housekeeper, she takes care of the household duties. If he can afford a housekeeper, he is required to hire one so that his wife will not have to take care of the house (if this is what she wants; she can elect to prefer the money to the housekeeper – it is solely her choice).
In addition, there are a few things that she is required to do for him, that cannot be delegated. For instance, in the olden days, heating water and helping him wash his hands. Today, it would be making his favorite type of cake for his birthday. These things are not allowed to be delegated because they fall under the category of “chiba” (affection), i.e., Judaism requires the wife to show affection for her husband in a few simple, obvious ways.
If she is not happy, she can ask for a divorce, and he is required to give it to her. In the olden days, the courts would beat him until he agreed. Nowadays, Jewish courts no longer have such power, and it is much more difficult. Excommunication sometimes works, but in today’s global society, finding a different community who does not know about the excommunication is not hard at all, and therefore forcing him to give her a divorce can be very difficult. Therefore, prenuptial agreements, that are binding in all courts of law, are becoming more popular.
In any case where one witness is allowed to testify, women are also allowed to testify. In any case where it is safe to say that finding other witnesses is impossible, a woman is allowed to testify.
Women are allowed to charge/sue/prosecute anyone they want in court (including their husbands), no questions asked.
If someone decided to force himself on her, he is obligated to marry her (unless she doesn’t want him) and provide her with everything mentioned above.
If a man wishes to take a second wife, he has to ask his first wife’s permission (today this is less relevant, since European Jews are no longer allowed to marry more than one wife).
Women have always been allowed to agree to marriage on condition that the husband never take a second wife.
In Judaism, women have always had the right to agree to or refuse marriage, and have usually exercised that right.
Each wife, in the case of polygamy, must be provided with her own income and her own house. A man is not allowed to keep two wives in the same house, because this causes them heartache.
If someone gave the wife money and specified that her husband has no control over it, it remains hers to do with as she pleases.
The concept of marital rape has been recognized – and forbidden – in Judaism since Mishnaic times, if not since the times of the Bible. Prosecuting it, though, is difficult under any circumstances (in today’s courts, too). In all books on Jewish theory and law, including the Talmud, there are very scary threats presented regarding this issue. And bear in mind, the Talmud was – is – rarely learned by women, so these threats and scares were presented to men only.
Judaism was also the first group in the entire world to forbid people from hitting their wives.
After age 12.5, a woman is not answerable to anyone until she chooses to marry.
From Jewish Midrashic literature:
In Jewish literature, Abraham is often famed and praised for being subservient to his wife.
Scholarly women have been in evidence since Biblical times, and praised for it. It seems that our generation is the first to not wholly recognize and praise scholarly women; this probably came about as a reaction to the “Enlightenment,” as an attempt by certain groups to fight back (unsuccessfully).
Remind me: Who has to pray with a quorum of ten three times a day? (Men – and trust me, if you have to do this every day, and it’s not just for fun, it can be really tough, and even a drag, sometimes. My little brother used to joke that he wished he was a girl, because girls are so lucky . . . ) And who can pray whenever they want, wherever they want, as long as they pray once a day – and even the definition of “prayer” for women changes by whether your community is of European (Ashkenazi) or Sephardic descent? (Women.)
And who has an obligation to study Torah during the day and at night? (Men.)
And who has to say Shema twice a day? (Men – again.)
And who, if they so decided, could take extended parental leave and never go back to work, whether the other spouse liked it or not, and every court would support their decision? (Women.)
See what I mean?
I know there will be a lot of questions and arguments about this post, but I think it is important to write.
Jewish women, until today’s open, equal-rights movement, have always been in an enviable position.
Judaism does not look for converts. People, however, since Biblical times, have seen in Judaism a forward movement with respect and equal rights, and have wanted to convert. Especially for a woman, Judaism was a very attractive option. 2000 years ago, it gave her rights that no one else gave her, and it gave her respect, as well.
Today “equality” has taken hold, and some aspects of it make Judaism look outdated. In truth, what we call “feminism” today, I often think of as “masculinism.” But that’s a topic for a different post.
In the meantime, know that Judaism is not nearly as bad to women as you once thought it was . . . in fact, it’s pretty darn good.