Including and especially NYM/ Naomi.
Today I received an email from my mother. And this email is the perfect example of an email which is absolutely not okay to send to anyone other than a single-by-choice mother (“by choice” including the 66% of divorces initiated by women):
Hope Purim was fun for kids and mommy!
Missed you –
Usually I try to ignore this type of email from my mother, because arguing with her is a waste of time, as is responding and spending any kind of emotional energy on her issues.
But today it was just too much. I promptly sent back that I find the fact she ignores my husband’s existence to be extremely offensive.
Not okay *MOM*. Just *not* okay.
And do not come kvetching that I am not proactively working on a relationship with you (and do not refer to you as Ma, Mom, or some such title), if this is the kind of email you send me.
But for those who think I should be doing more – think about this: My mother has not actually acknowledged my husband as my chosen husband, and a good husband, since our marriage nearly 7 years ago (it will be seven years next week).
If he was abusive, maybe (maybe – only maybe) there would be a justification for how she treats him.
He’s not abusive. There’s NO justification for it.
And not only that, my husband goes out of the way to be nice, respectful, and thoughtful towards my mother. He tells her a lot more than I would *ever* tell her (I don’t tell my mother anything I’m not prepared for the world to know and gossip about), and tries to keep her involved. He encourages me to send her pictures and speak to her. And he always has.
But this – this kind of garbage – is what Yitzchak gets in return.
And I’m fed up. Yes, I want the world to know.
And I want my family to stop judging me and expecting me to go above and beyond for someone who cares not a thing about my husband, and refuses to acknowledge his existence or our relationship.