I kvetch to Mom. A lot. And I mean, a LOT. Yitzchak and I haven’t had the easiest year or so, to say the least. And honestly, it’s taken its toll. On us, emotionally, on our relationship, on how we parent.
We’re not perfect, by far. And yeah, we have a lot of work. We’re working on it. It’s tough, but we’ll get there.
So one day a few weeks ago, I was kvetching to Mom, this time about Yitzchak. I mean, he listens to his mommy and respects her – maybe she can help him see that I’m not as crazy as he thinks I am? (That was a mistake, BTW. Because he isn’t thrilled with all of her parenting skills – so if I agree with her, then he sees that as an issue. Well. I didn’t know that. And I had to explain that on *this specific issue* I agree with her – not on the rest of it, necessarily. Sigh.)
Mom mentioned a few things, some true and some not. She told me what her opinion is on some of the stuff, okay, I get it. She had some good points, and there are some things that I won’t argue about, because we’ve mutually decided not to argue those points.
A few days later, Yitzchak says that Mom spoke to him, and during the conversation, she asked if we were thinking of breaking up.
Where’d she get THAT?!?!
Okay. We are having slight communication issues. We do not see eye-to-eye on everything. And we are going through a rough patch.
But we are *trying* to fix that. We even made up a rule chart, that has less to do with house rules as it does with making sure that we’re on the same page re daily routines . . . so we don’t get surprised, sidetracked, told, or bribed differently [by a certain Someone].
The goal, and the reason I spoke to Mom in the first place, is to fix our communication issues.
Separating was not even on the table. Still isn’t.
Because that won’t solve the issues, it’ll just make it worse.
Because breaking a marriage, especially once you’ve had kids, isn’t the solution to anything, except in extreme cases of one side abusing the other.
Because, well, it’s just not an option.
Because even if we don’t agree on everything, that doesn’t make either of us less of a good person.
Wait. She’s worried that we’ll break up? Or she kind of wants us to? Is that why she suggested that we each go for counseling, separately, and explained something about how it’s better than going together? Maybe I picked the wrong person?
No. It can’t be that she wants us to break up. She knows that Yitzchak is happier married to me than he was a long time prior. And besides, if we got divorced, that would put an end to her hopes for more grandkids, until someone else got married – and no one else is even engaged yet. It CAN’T be that she wants us divorced. Mom wants more grandkids too much (even if she’ll never admit to it), and we’re her only source of them (as we are to my parents).
Well, I sent Mom a text, reassuring her that divorce wasn’t on the table, and that I’m not sure how she thought it was.
Two days later she called me up. She wanted to make sure that I didn’t think Mom wanted us to break up – she was just worried. Of course, like a good daughter-in-law, I assured her that I’d never thought she wanted us to break up – I just didn’t know why she was worried about it. (Yes, I sort-of lied. No, she doesn’t read this blog.) And then we talked for a while, about related and unrelated things.
I still don’t agree with Mom 1000% about everything. She knows that. And she knows that we can still respect each other, despite our differences of opinion.
I’m still kind of appalled that she thought we were even thinking of separating, especially under the circumstances.
But on the other hand, why is what Mom thought more appalling than those who think my life is perfect and that I don’t understand hardships of any sort?