Do You Want A Relationship?

Because if you do – you had better speak up.

In the three years since my wedding, all phone calls between us have been made by me.

I tried to be sensitive to you.  I tried to have a relationship with you.

But somehow, in the three-plus years since Yitzchak’s and my wedding, you have not “forgiven” us for getting married, and you have tried to avoid me.  Or at least, that’s how it feels to me.

And I have to find out news through a third party.

Not that your mother is any better.  I called her up to wish her a happy holiday, and she tried to end the conversation as fast as possible.  And when Yitzchak called her up, she didn’t even remember his name – he had to introduce himself as my husband.

I am really mad, and really hurt.

And I think I don’t want to put any more energy into a relationship with you.  I just don’t have infinite energy that I can throw away.  Plus, I don’t like worrying about you and trying to be sensitive, and then getting a slap in the face for it.

So, if I don’t want to celebrate with you, and I don’t want to talk to you, don’t be surprised.

Yitzchak thinks I should call and yell at you.  I think that it’s not worth it.  And that you don’t deserve to be yelled at.  Because yelling takes energy; yelling means that I care about you and about our relationship.

Since I have seen that you don’t care about me, and you don’t care about our relationship, I am letting go.

I hope you have a nice life.

Just don’t blame me for ending our relationship.

But you will, and I know it.  Just like you have been blaming me for three years.

So fine, continue.  Please don’t expect me to share things with you, though, because I don’t think I will.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Hey, sis – if you read this, it is NOT meant for you.  You HAVE called me in the three years since my wedding, right?  So, I’m not talking about you.  I’m talking about someone who I have to call, and who when I see her, I have to start talking to, because she won’t.  And, my conversations with her are always stilted.  But you, you and I had a great conversation tonight, right?  So, there’s the proof – I’m not talking about you.

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5 thoughts on “Do You Want A Relationship?

  1. Unfortunately, I can relate to what you are saying. It can be very upsetting & hurtful. I think you are hurt – based on what you have written. However, I still think yelling isnt worth it. Who knows what the future holds – dont burn bridges. Besides, sometimes silence speaks louder.

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    • I don’t think I will yell. It will just make things worse. What can I say – sometimes Yitzchak has good ideas, and sometimes he doesn’t. (Example: he insisted that family members actually DO read my blog. I insisted that I was just being paranoid. I found out last night that he was right.)

      I am truly sorry that you can relate. It’s not a good sign . . .

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  2. I can completely relate. 100%!! I am in a silence and solitude period with my sister. I have sought out counselling and every day I feel more peaceful about being quiet and allowing her space to heal. We cannot change others, only ourselves. I love my sister from the bottom of my heart, but I can’t be the person she wants me to be nor can I be the person she expects me to be. I pray that you can come to realize what is the trigger for you from this relationship because I can see that his/her silence has hit you at the core. Don’t do anything you regret. In peace!

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    • That is SO tough. I am glad you are doing counseling. You are right – we cannot change others, only ourselves. I am glad that you have come to find acceptance of yourself and your relationship with her.
      I think the trigger for me was what I found out last night. This has been festering for a while, but until last night, I was just ignoring it and trying to be nice.

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