Why I Don’t Want Daycare for My Son*

baby hurts another baby

One baby hurts another. Where’s the adult?

Yesterday I posted how we have avoided daycare until now.  Today’s post is about why we made that choice.  So, why are we anti-daycare?

1) There is no way that two or three adults can adequately attend to the needs of fourteen children.  The government minimum here is a 1:6 ratio.  Many, if not most, abide by that.  But it’s just not small enough.  Plus, if there was an emergency, G-d forbid, how do I know that my child will be okay?  You can’t know that – and I know that I would never forgive myself if something happened to my helpless baby (or anyone under four, when they can run and speak and learn emergency instructions) because I chose to put him or her in daycare.

2) The horror stories of daycare centers, anyone?

3) Shlomo is one of the only toddlers I know who doesn’t hit back, doesn’t bite, and doesn’t hurt other kids.  When someone hits him, he gives them a look of disapproval.  The other toddlers I have seen who act similarly also never went to daycare.  Point proven.

4) I do not believe that a child under three actually needs a social life.  Learning to share, yes.  Same-age friends, no.  Parents contribute a lot more to their children’s social abilities than any ‘toddler friends’ their child might have.  Children this age don’t make friends, anyways – and the little parallel play they need can be obtained by a play date or two per week.  And before you tell me that I’m depriving my child: Shlomo is very social, very caring and picks up on social cues that no daycare child his age would pick up on.  The only other toddler with those skills has a stay-at-home mom.  And believe me, I’ve seen a LOT of toddlers.

5) Toddlers‘ brains need more affection to develop properly than a daycare center can give.

And yes, I believe that one person who comes every day, provides consistent care, is a stable part of the child’s life, and doesn’t have any other responsibilities besides providing attention to your child, is on a totally different level than a daycare center.  While it’s not the ideal, it’s worlds apart from daycare.  And that, at least to this mother, makes all the difference.

*Unless noted otherwise, everything I have stated applies until age five or six.

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20 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Want Daycare for My Son*

  1. Pingback: Our Daycare-Free Story | Little Duckies

  2. Pingback: It’s Week 74 & My Son Isn’t Talking: Am I Overreacting? « A Mom Who Just So Happens to Be a Gamer

  3. So true…in the US, many “daycares” are individuals who watch the children out of their home…but they receive little to no education or one on one attention. In our area my niece (who is 4) attends a Montessori school where the ratio is 1:4 and she receives both. Meanwhile my 16 month old nephew has his mom at least three of the five weekdays and myself on the other two (my niece had the benefit of her mom staying home with her for almost two years). It is remarkable to see how much more developed each is compared to children their ages.

    Thanks for visiting my site and the likes, I enjoy my daily epiphanies…and thank G-d I had the opportunity to do this…:)

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      • Hold onto your knickers; I am their uncle…:) I took a sabbatical from work in order to help out my brother and sister in-law by watching their two little ones. Through January of 2013.

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      • Even better! My brother-in-law recently moved to Israel; I WISH he would do the same.
        I am all for men who take care of kids. That is probably one of the only good things that came out of the whole gender-equality thing. I apologize for assuming you were their aunt. 😉

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  4. Well, it was just too good an opportunity to pass up…:) been an amazing four months! No worries on the mix up, I have a gender non-specific name…happens all the time- no one in my family really buys into stereotypical gender roles, so I’m loving being my brothers’ aupair= BroPair….:)

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  5. I’m not so much disagreeing with your conclusions so much as nitpicking some points. I took a four year break from my career to be with my kids, and I don’t regret a sacrificed dime.

    The only thing I WILL say is that those little buggers are so different, not matter what you do to/with them, that I don’t think you can draw general conclusions. We all have to do what we can and what we think is best. For some parents, their kids really might be better off in daycare. Some adults just can’t, mentally, devote the time and attention that young kids require. It is better if they admit it and outsource than if they force everyone into a painful situation, IMO.

    I have two sons. Their reactions to daycare have been so, so different. Hell, their reactions to EVERYTHING have been wildly different. As much as I would love to credit myself for all of their awesomness and beat myself up over their shortcomings, I think they are who they are.

    Of course, we all need to make every effort to maximize who they can be!

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    • Okay, you have a point there – some kids are better off in daycare (either because the parent is not able to handle them, or because the child doesn’t like staying at home). However, I think being able to stay home with your child is something that most adults can’t do, unless they teach themselves to. Our society has dumped so much gunk on the idea of staying at home, and people have become so used to relying on their jobs and friends for stimulation, that they forget how to stay at home. (And it doesn’t just affect the kids, it affects the marriage, too.)
      I had a really hard time at first, but from everything I’ve read/heard/seen, it gets better as you get used to it, and it takes a lot of effort to work it out in a way that isn’t painful. But, I think that it’s worth it (at least in the long run), for the whole family.
      Your sons sound kind of like my sister and myself. 😀 And it sounds like you’re a pretty good parent, too.

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  6. Pingback: Textbook for Daycare Teachers | Little Duckies

  7. Your posts really resonate with me. I am glad that you posted at my blog!

    I love your point about socialization. I firmly believe that all my boys have benefitted more from being with people from all different ages and stages.

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    • Your blog is great! I really like your theme of “being”, wish I’d thought of it. Then again, I’d have a hard time posting on it, so it’s just as well.

      You’re right, that does give a lot of benefits. I’m glad you like my post.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  8. Pingback: More on Daycare | Little Duckies

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